You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
