Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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