I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
