Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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