we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
