oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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