I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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