After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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