I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
