Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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