Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
