i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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