The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
