I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
