Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
