If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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