remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize