you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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