I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
