I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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