Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
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foreskin is a definite game changer
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.