So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
