I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.