I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
