and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
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I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this