Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
