WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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