I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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