now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
