I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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