I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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