My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
50% drunk capacity currently
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
