I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
