After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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