Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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