Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
