I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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