I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
