i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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