Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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