We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So many bounce houses so little time
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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