So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
