man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize