ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
