WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
