Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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