If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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