google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We need to get me chipped asap
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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