Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
