ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
