You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
