porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
