You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I will be naked everywhere
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
