his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I intend to get homeless drunk
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
