I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
