Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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