my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
