I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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