Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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