piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so explain again why im purple
no
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
