it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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