i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
