Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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