Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
