I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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