She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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