I accidentally had phone sex last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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