I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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