My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
