My brain says no but my pants say off.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
