I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
