He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
