I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
