You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
