so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
