help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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