I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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