Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
