Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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