his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
