Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
